I’ve been doing much reading on Buddhist practices of late; practices that lead to great peace and bliss. Interesting to watch myself move through the material and my mind. At moments I feel so very connected to the “emptiness” and the everything, to what I think of as the great pushing and growing of all of Life, empowered and enthused. And at moments I instead feel pressure to get it right, pressure in my desired achievement of “enlightenment.” Heaviness overtakes me instantly.
The words renunciation and enlightenment, they feel unobtainable, like they are only achieved by monks and nuns but not by me, maybe not by so many of us walking the day to day path as human beings. And yet I do know I want to live an empowering, peaceful life.
Last night after several hours stuck in this topic and my feeling around it, and stuck on some real-life issues that had me digging for empowering tools, it dawned on me that perhaps I don’t need to follow the way its always been. Perhaps I don't need to follow the rules of renunciation (giving up desire for the beautiful physical world) or feel the need to become “enlightened.” Perhaps, I can change these words to fit what I perceive to be the over-arching Buddhist intention of peace of mind and freedom of soul.
The replacement words I choose are Non-Clinging and Connectedness.
The Rolling Stones were a huge hit when they headlined Glastonbury the summer of 2013, but an even older group were the festival’s surprise stars.
When I am in connection with my heart, with my body, with the energy of life that is moving all around me, when I am feeling and listening and seeing this connection I am free. I am in the flow of life that is leading me ever so peacefully, gracefully. I am in the center of my intuition and it is guiding me effortlessly to great next steps, small and large. I am supported inside myself and outside myself. I feel on top of the world here, in this form of connectedness.
And when I am in connection with my angst, with my fear, with my worry, with my mind that is well trained to protect me, when I am feeling this, listening to and seeing the visions of peril, I am connected then too. I am connected to a part of me that needs to be heard, that needs nurturing, that needs expression in some way so as not to explode or be pushed down, again, by one of many compulsive behaviors that would rather not hear and feel what this part of self has to express (I think we all know the behaviors that are our numbing/avoidance devices). Getting quiet, allowing myself the time to insulate and feel safe, with an open mind and heart, ready to be with the small, the hurt, the angry in me, this is a powerful supportive space to be in too. I don’t feel on top of the world, but I do feel honored. I am connected here, to me and to Spirit guiding me to listen and uncover and step into a love that is there. And when I allow for this connection, for this expression, this part of myself gets what it needs and flows on through.
Non-clinging, I allow myself to move between the peaceful and fearful parts of self. Non-clinging, I let them each have their full expressions in appropriate ways for the moment I am engaged. Non-clinging, I watch, listen, feel and learn. Non-clinging, I grow and expand into more ease, more peace through this growth.
Searching and working for enlightenment, this is not a pressure I desire, this is not the way I want to be in the world. I do so love the place of connection with Life, with Spirit, with the Everything. And I will continue to devote myself to a practice that fulfills my heart in this way. However, today, I am taking myself off the boilerplate and reclaiming my own mantra, a more Taoist view I call the Beauty of Being Human. It takes both happiness and sadness to have complete emotion; one to have awareness of the other. They both exist. They both have merit.
This is being in the flow of life. From here, everything arrives, including the Life You Desire.
to Living Sensual!
Live in Love with Life